Happy 4th MS diagnosis anniversary to me! 25.6.2016
Resurrection is the reuniting of the spirit with the body in an immortal state, no longer subject to disease or death.
Resurrection is a big word but I can honestly say that’s how my 4th year felt like.
I finally resurrected.
I reunited my spirit with my body and completely started living again. I don’t worry anymore or fear what will be or not – I simply enjoy life and MS does no longer control me. It finally clicked in my head, I accepted it and no longer see it as the enemy.
It took me 3 years in survival mode to get here – it also took me 3 years to feel alive again after my brother died in a car accident, that’s why this is already my second resurrection. I’m basically a resurrection expert without the immortal part but who knows 😉
The thing is – we all have resurrected at one point, even you! Be it after the end of a relationship or being without a job for a while, this too can make you feel dead and in limbo for a while. What’s important is to get up at one point and fight. Grow some balls and take your life back. Don’t be a victim of the past as this will prevent you from living in the now and future. Remember that feeling when you could tell this limbo was over? That’s what I hang on to and try to reproduce every day.
I thought about this for a long time, what is needed to resurrect from any kind of tragic event? In my opinion the answer is LOVE.
Love. Love. Love.
First of all to love yourself. Love yourself enough to get out of this situation, be kind to yourself. I finally quit smoking last year as this was the one self-destructive behavior I still held on to. If you have MS and smoke it’s even worse and there are plenty of studies about the connection between smoking and the onset of MS, very scary. Now I wonder why I never tried to quit earlier, I actually never even tried to quit before and started smoking when I was 16 years old. Not proud of it but we’re all not perfect and I forgive myself for it.
The week I quit smoking I also started working out weekly with the best personal trainer in the world (Thanks Markus 🙂 ) who opened my eyes and made me love working out again. I must admit I was too scared to really work out the first 3 years, I stopped as soon as I started sweating which is honestly after 1-2 min as my body can’t regulate its temperature very well. Getting warm, well, really hot, during my workout feels super uncomfortable and made me freak out a little in the beginning, most of the times my vision in the left eye and hearing in the left ear gets worse, I can barely feel my body and walking home requires 100% focus. But I learned how to deal with it and know it’ll be over after I take a cold shower and take some rest. I do mainly heavy weight training 3-4 times a week and love it!
I actually love it so much that I’m thinking of becoming a personal trainer myself 🙂 I get so much energy from working out that my fatigue and therefore quality of life improved tremendously. On some days I actually feel or am the healthiest and fittest person in the gym and other members are in shock and disbelieve when I tell them I have MS as they watch me working out.
I still follow the Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis lifestyle with the exception that I, as recommended by my nutritionist and trainer, eat a little more fat, eggs and protein and that’s fine with me, I didn’t notice anything different.
I have been stable for more than 2 years now and my EDSS score went from 3 to 1.5! That speaks for itself and my goal is to get into the 0. score.
The best thing that happened in year 4 – I started to travel again! Oh how I missed it!
In March 2016 I took a cruise with my best friend and godson, went to Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Bahrain and Oman. The temperature was perfect in spring and I had basically none of the heat related symptoms AT ALL. I felt like I had my old body back. In April I visited the beautiful city of Maastricht for a foodie and active weekend with lots of cycling as this area is every cyclists ( and foodies) dream. I just returned last week from a trip to the Cote d’Azur with my dad – but I must admit I had symptoms 24/7 as the climate there doesn’t seem to be good for me, all things I needed to learn, experience and remember.
It’s all about learning how to live with this new body and that’s what I did the first 3 years. A thousand little things, like one of these annoying xxl puzzles but I finally feel and know what to expect when I do certain things and how to handle it. However – I still have days where I overdo it a little but that’s ok 🙂
I’m one step ahead of MS and most days we’re friends. Love. The days my MS acts like a psychopathic sniper and hits me got less and I learned so much the past year that I feel like a female version of James Bond, always one step ahead of the villain and shooting first by taking a nap or rest day.
I finally love myself again and love conquers all, even that bump in the road ❤