Aya- WHAT?!?


Not to be confused with ayurveda, these are two completely different things ūüėČ

In case you never heard of it, ayahuasca is a ¬†sacred plant spirit medicine and hallucinogenic¬†brew ( containing DMT, hence classified a “drug” in many countries but that’s definitely not how I ¬†see it) made out of a vine and other plant based ingredients. It is used in traditional spiritual ceremonies among the indigenous people of the Amazon basin for at least 5000 years¬†to heal all kinds of disease.

Many believe it is the greatest natural healing agent there is, that’s why ¬†thousands ¬†of people with terminal or chronic disease, cancer, ¬†addictions, depressions or traumas visit the Amazon each year to try out ayahuasca for some kind of relief or healing. More and more Western style “clinics” open for special ayahuasca retreats, there has been an alternative medicine¬†tourism boom in recent years and it seems to be even a strong competition for the Machu Picchu in the years coming.

I don’t want to go too much into my own “research” details in this post ( or it’ll be the longest post in history, crashing the entire WordPress server ūüėČ ) but it looks as if ayahuasca might have not only a very positive influence on the CNS and inflammations BUT even play a key role in neuroregeneration.

WOW, wouldn’t it be great if a “plant” could actually fix what’s damaged in our (MS) brains?

There seem to be so many benefits it would be a shame not to try some sort of “healing” with ayahuasca. I believe that there are¬†actually plenty of “cures” ¬†out there in nature that are used by indigenous people for ages and we simply don’t know about it or – we’re not told as it’s not profitable for the “big players” , especially if we could all grow our own medicine. HA!

According to this fab article in the New Yorker, Ayahuasca is the drug of choice for the “age of kale” ( which made me laugh so hard as I think ¬†it’s totally ¬†true!)

“Ayahuasca, like kale, is no joy ride. The majority of users vomit‚ÄĒor, as they prefer to say, ‚Äúpurge.‚ÄĚ And that‚Äôs the easy part. ‚ÄúAyahuasca takes you to the swampland of your soul,‚ÄĚ Like juicing‚ÄĒanother Kale Age method of expedient renewal‚ÄĒayahuasca is appreciated for its efficiency. Enthusiasts often say that each trip is like ten years of therapy or meditation.

The first time I heard about ayahuasca was about 3 years ago and I was stunned. First of all, why didn’t I ever hear anything about it and second of all, this might be THE “medicine” for the time being. I read everything I could find, watched a lot of documentaries and read the testimonials of people who felt way better or even “healed” from all kinds of diseases thanks to ayahuasca.

It looks like this year the first FDA approved trial to treat depression with ayahuasca will start but there are even a few more waiting for the official trial process and looking into everything from PTSD treatment to addictions.

Ayahuasca is becoming more and more knows, even Netflix has a FEW documentaries ( and a “Chelsea does…” episode) ¬†on it and according to some articles I read there must be a real boom and ayahuasca ceremonies any given night in all major cities around the world. ¬†It’s even possible to do it here in the Netherlands as it’s legal because of the freedom of religion. Sometimes I feel ¬†like I’m one of the last people on this planet getting to experience it as everyone I told about it has done it or knows at least 5 people that have done it and ALL of them had a great, mostly ¬†life changing experience once out of the dark “swampland of the soul”.

The ayahuasca brew must taste like the worst thing there is and chances are high that you’ll have a hard time, facing your worst fears, living through you worst emotions and nightmares again, not to mention the “purging” ( vomiting) and most likely even s*** your pants.¬†The “ceremony” itself must be one of the most terrifying things there is and that’s what kept me away.

Until now.

I’ve never experienced with other “drugs” than alcohol, I guess a J√§gerbomb must have been the craziest thing I ¬†did in my life and if you know me personally or follow my blog, I can’t even handle the other plant medicine, marijuana, ¬†without getting an anxiety attack ( blog post about that self-experiment ūüėČ ) ¬† as I hate the feeling of losing control. Here, I said it, I’m still a complete control freak and perfectionists and it’s soooo hard to let go of these things.

Now – guess who will be sitting in a ceremonial “maloca” ( ceremonial hut ), most likely “purging” all the time, ¬†in the Peruvian Amazon with a very experienced group of Shipibo shamans in 3 weeks?

Yep. Yours truly. The control freak – and Mr. X, this will be a great relationship test, lol.

All for the sake of self-experimenting as everything I researched about ayahuasca over the past ¬†years sounds too good to be true that even the uncomfortable part doesn’t scare me away anymore.

We will actually start our 4 week trip to Peru with a 9 day ayahuasca retreat and 4 (!!) ¬†ceremonies – if it is true that each session is like 10 years of therapy/ meditation I should be (hopefully) ¬†done after that ( as I’m only 38 ūüėČ ) but I am completely aware that I also need to “work” on many issues while there and ¬†in the future.


To get the most out of the ayahuasca medicine, you need to follow a special “dieta” for at least 2 weeks prior and a few days after the retreat. On top of that ( hello old overachiever ūüėČ ) ¬†I already started ¬†a “Whole 30”¬†reset 2 weeks ago, didn’t drink any alcohol for 3 weeks and will start with the real ayahuasca¬†“dieta” next Sunday. ¬†Luckily my normal diet is pretty close to it as the dieta allows fish and eggs but no (red) meat, no dairy, no sugar, no fried food and no gluten. On top of that is a long list of other no no’s like coffee, black pepper, avocado, spinach or pineapple to name a few.

But the dieta doesn’t only concern food – our “mind” needs to be “clean” as well so mainstream media, negative- feeling movies/ books/ posts/ people and social media need to be considered, too. ¬†I already unfollowed people who always share negative or passive-aggressive posts on Facebook as I really can’t and won’t deal with that energy anymore as I feel it’s ¬†pulling me down.

The last part of the dieta, a technical one, will happen during the retreat as there’s NO reception and NO wifi, we also shouldn’t use technical devices while on the retreat and just BE in the Amazon.

Just BE ourselves. Our true selves.

We’ll start our retreat at¬†Nimea Kaya Healing Center on Feb 26 and if you’re wondering what we do there for 9 days next to “purging” , overcoming and healing there’s a whole program set up, from plant walks and helping with brewing the ayahuasca we will be using for the ceremonies, meditation, yoga, floral baths, super healthy dieta meals, visits to the local community and a school the retreat supports to integration circles and painting.

I feel I’m ¬†in very good hands with this center and they have already treated a few MS patients. The only concern they had was my MS drug as of course – you shouldn’t take any drugs/ medications or even supplements while on the “dieta” and some ( like antidepressants, any SSRI¬īs and MAOI’s) are dangerous or even lethal when mixed with ayahuasca. The staff is great, they checked all ingredients of Tecfidera and although they’d rather have me not take it while there, we found a compromise that I won’t be taking the evening dosage on the 4 nights of the ayahuasca ceremony. ¬†( and yes, I even got it double checked so it’s save )

My main intention for the retreat is to “heal” and learn how to fully “love myself” and in my opinion, these two are one.

We cannot heal without (self) love.

I personally believe that emotional blockages and traumas make us sick, all the “stuff” that happened to us along the way and we simply pushed it away for too long. I know that a lot of pain will come up during the ceremonies and that I might have to “relive” certain ¬†situations and memories.

I meditate a lot and learned the past 1.5 years that how I emotionally feel directly affects my health.

Autoimmune diseases are like a non stop friendly fire, I basically attack myself all the time. Next to MS I was diagnosed with  two additional chronic/ autoimmune disease without a known cause ( granuloma annulare dx 1991 and endometriosis dx 2003) that appeared after  emotional or very stressful life events. Most fellow MS patients I know have at least one more autoimmune disease.

These “friendly fires” inside my body ¬†I ¬†link directly to that self love issue ¬†and I think that’s why way more woman than men suffer from autoimmune disease. It’s getting harder and harder as a woman to keep up with the “standards” and being a perfectionist doesn’t help.

All the things I “must” be.

We women “must” have the perfect career, relationships, families, looks, bodies – you name it. I’m curious to see what will happen the next decade, autoimmune disease must explode thanks to our society and especially social media.

Time to heal myself from these thoughts and social constructs and start living my life.

MY life.

Finishing this post with some of my favourite ayahuasca videos, from science to the real experience if you got curious.